Rotten Relationship

A Rotten Relationship could exist in a marriage or even in a live-in relationship.
The question is… Are you the victim or the victimizer?  WHOOOO is the victim?
I’ve talked with many women in the same situation and every story is the same.  Same game, different players!
  • Are you in a marriage or relationship that sucks?
  • Are you living in misery?
  • Is he going one way and you another?
  • Is he leaving early and coming back late?
  • Starting arguments to get out of the house?
  • Are you always somehow, the blame?
Yet, you continue to give excuses for not doing anything about it.  Leaving the relationship is not always the only remedy,sometimes you have to leave YOU!  Some women give excuses for remaining in their rotten relationships.
  • The kids need both parents (Not just married women but also single women that are living with their children’s father)
  • Telling yourself that you can’t make it financial or emotionally on your own and many more excuses.
Whatever the reason, it is a bad state to find yourself in.  You say,”if I was only single, I could do better”, but you are still there.   Others, say, if I left him for a while, maybe he will get better.”   Well, you know what they always say, “absence make the heart grow fonder but to much absence make the heart wander.”  In real life, he will get more comfortable and when the cats away the mouse will surely play.
There are many reasons and they all seem valid.   Unfortunately, some of you are just going through the routine hoping some miracle will happen to change this bad situation not realizing that the change must begin with You.  If he wants to live a completely distant life by going and coming as he pleases with no explanations is not good.  Yet, you  still continue to stay in the same predicament.  Let’s address it in a way, in which you can tolerate.  Even better, let’s not tolerate it at all, let God fix it for you.  Get involved in the word of God first, then begin to do things you enjoy by accomplishing goals you have always wanted to achieve.  Bottom line, stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.  One or two things is going to happen.  He is going to finally leave you or you are going to leave him but at least don’t make yourself look crazy.  If your relationship is about to break up and you know there are other participants in the equation (another woman) then the inevitable is coming.
You are experiencing rudeness, impatience, man missing in action, no communication, it is about to end.  You can only turn situations like this over to God.  Speaking to your friends will not fix anything.  Face it and start working on you.  While he is thinking he is getting over on you, you are really working on your self-esteem.  By getting yourself together, not sitting home wondering and thinking about what he is doing, you are going about God business.  Allow the Word to heal your mind and heart so your whole being is not based on a MAN.  Let’s face it, if you don’t get a different mindset, even if you go out and get a different man, you will continue to experience many tears and frustrations.  Stop Now and make that change!  Some of you are not married and the life you are living is called fornication and not a part of God’s plan for you.  Worst, ifyou let him continue using you in that manner it will get worst!  What he first enjoyed (sex) will soon become old and tiring to him.  Keep your goods, even in today’s time.  It’s still called leverage, regardless of the new standard (try it before you buy it) relationships.
One more thing Ladies, it’s alright to sweat, just don’t let them EVER see you sweat.  Some of the women today are just giving a little too much information to their enemies and they are using it against them. STOP and Quote,  Philippians 4:13 I can do all thingthrough Christ which strengtheneth me.  Stop allowing him to see your tears, fears, weakness and neediness for him.  Get your act together!
Have you been to church lately?  Most friends encourage their married friends to get another man or go out to the clubs to get their mind off of their situations. Well, I beg to differ!  That is a temporary jealous tactic, that only last a moment and sometimes they could care less what you do.  The best way and only way to overcome this hurtful phase in your life is to give it to the LORD JESUS.  He said, “If you keep your mind on me, I’ll keep you in perfect Peace”   Start your life over again with Jesus by the renewing of your mind and you will see change.  The Lord will begin to order your steps, direct your path and put you back on the right track.  Proverbs 3:5  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.God’s will is for you to have a happy life and the gift of Eternal life.
Let’s start a new day right now and allow God to wipe away your tears and give you a brand new start.  He is the only one that can get your mind off of that undeserving partner.  Being delivered from a soul tie is not quick fix, it is a process of patience and waiting on God.  You have to ask yourself, how much do I love me. The question is how much do you loveJesus?  The one that loved You so much that he died on the cross for your sins. The Word of God says, John 10:10  The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.  Make that change today!  God will help you but it’s up to you!
  1. Hi, It’s Debbie!
    I hope you have learned something from the blogs I have posted. They were all written with you in mind. So many women have suffered one hardships after the other, dealing with incredible experiences in their relationships.
    I hope you will consult the Lord Jesus on how to handle yours and find hope and guidance from what you have learned.
    God Bless You,
    Debbie Richards, Author

  2. yes i can relate to this blog. I was in a relationship with a man who i recently had a baby by. That makes her 1 now. Everything he spoke to me about he was going to do never happened. when we got together things were going swiftly. After when time went by,I started to see some signs he was giving me. Long story short we didn’t see eye to eye as much. Things happened mentally where i couldn’t take no more. I’m at the point in my life to follow Jesus and let him lead my way. There are times where i wish me and my spouse could of worked it out. At this moment god continues to mold me. I love the lord Jesus for stepping in. Wouldn’t know where i would be in my life if it wasn’t for him. To glory be to god.


  4. i had read and yes i can relate to everything you say,at this moments in my life im taking baby steps with god to better myself for my four babies and myself, in my situation i have no support from my mother side or my father side either, the situation that im going is hard,god have help me to have pensions tours what im going thru, god is amazing god, i know that one day god will blees me and my children’s with a place where we can call it finally a home with no drama no worries,i know my blessings are right in the Conner,thank you for your advice

  5. i feel as though a relationship is not a relationship if both aren’t committed in the same manner.In several of my cases i was always the victim due to the men i choose. I always seem to draw men who always had the money cars clothes and fame which lead to them dealing feeling as tho they had to deal with multiple woman .

  6. well I definitely can relate to this story.Me and my child’s father are always constantly at each other necks. We are the true definition of a rotten relationship. We always try to keep GOD first and just pray about it. But this story really helps me open up my mind,soul,and heart to him(god)even more because it said “If you keep your mind on me, I’ll keep you in perfect Peace”.

  7. It would be almost impossible for me not to relate to this subject i have read upon just last night i thought our relationship was going down the drain. The same exact thing i have read in this blog is everything i and we are going threw and i believe i was meant to read every word. Due to the fact that i have no other way to try to save our relationship. So therefore i have put my situation into god’s hands and i have left it at that. After last night made me realize that our relationship was going DOWN and i tried everything and my spouse has “said” he will try to fix all of his wrong doing. I want to believe him but at this point his words mean nothing to me but i know for a fact change won’t happen over night. From what i can tell from this morning i think he may give it a fighting chance after all the begging and pleading but i know if i give in it may never change and that is what i am worried about. I have faith in us five years we have been strong even though not everyday was as golden but too many years invested and neither one of us wants it to be wasted nor wants to break apart from each other especially now we have a baby boy on the way. He tells me he wants US to stay together and work on everything we need to in order to get us back on track again. As long as he’s willing to change im willing to try to make everything work out as well. Im glad i read this blog i appreciate what is has shown me and taught me.

    • Sure i think you guys should try to work it out especially with a baby on the way.. But if nothing starts or seems to change than the best thing for you to do is break it off before one of you get hurt. All relationships can’t be saved or aren’t worth saving , but after putting it in gods hands he will keep you together if it’s meant to be that way.

    • Thank you for reading the blog. keep faith in every thing you do. You have to keep pushing forward talk to one another. Pray keep your head up and god will walk with you all the way.

    • Kristina,

      Thanks for commenting, good luck and congrats on the birth of your son. I agree that if your better half is willing to try and you are as well it a green light for the both of you! Good luck and God bless your family.

  8. I can definitely relate to Rotten Relationships. I have learned that you do not need a person to make yourself whole or a family I always thought i needed a man to complete me because I grew up with my mom and dad in the same home so I put up with a lot of discomfort in relationships and made alot of sacrifices for a person who would not have done the same for me. I do not regret the relationships because they made me the person i am now and i am a true believer that god would not put anything in my path that is not suppose to be there so i have learned to help others like my fellow sisters recognize the signs of a Rooten relationship

    • I agree that you don’t need anyone but god to make you whole. Without god in you life I feel you are vulnerable to almost any and everything.
      As for rotten relationships, I have also been there a time or two. There are many signs given and if we recognize them early in the relationship we can save are self a lot of time,energy, pain and hurt break.
      And like you stated god only put people in your path for curtain reasons and season, for either lessons or blessings.
      So if we trust in the lord and wait on him. He will bring the right spouse for you into your life not only for a season but for a lifetime.

    • Thanks for commenting Demi, I totally agree with what you stated about having to have a person in your life to make one feel WHOLE. I’m a firm believer in that everyone’s journey is their own and every person that has been placed within ones journey will build or bring character.

  9. Rotten Relationships. They are real and all around us and most of the woman close to us are in them and we dont even know about it. I was in one for many years i was great at hiding the bruises that i had physicaly and mentally, and after a while i felt like everything that ever went wrong was my fault.I am here to say you have to have faith and you have to speak out. Once you speak out your loved ones can help with choosing the best path to take.And always remember God will not give you more then you can handle


      Thank for commenting,I am a domestic violence survivor myself, I agree that it is extremely important to share with a friend or family member if you are going through any type of abuse!!! Leaning on the Lord for strength is the only way!!
      ~~God bless

  10. Everything that was ,said was 100% true and i agree i have seen a lot of these types of relationships , sometimes we could have the best husband that dose everything thing such as cook clean , take care of the kids and just do a lot of the things that we are supposed to do as woman but , they can be just flat out mean , rude , and disrespectful , it dosen’t always have to be physically it could just be the nasty things that they say . In a lot of these relationships i’ve yet to see a positive outcome such as marriage therapy or anything . I always see divorce papers being handed out , or custody battle’s going on involving who will get the children ., These types of things effect the children in a lot of way’s to , they tend to act out in school being disrespectful at home and at school grades began to drop everything that you never wanted for your child is starting to happen all because of whats gong on at home , so its sad and i wish there was a way to stop these things

    • Thank you for your comment Anonymous Ms. Williams,

      I agree with you in regard to the damage that the children go through during the process. That’s why its great to have a platform such as this to have a sounding board to help with the process or the action plan when one decides to exit the toxic situation. I think that if one prays and become proactive on life, a plan forms that has structure and is less tramatic on the little ones.

  11. All i can say, I can really relate to this blog. I was once in a abusive relationship. I’m glad God came and saved me from that horrible stage in my life!

    • You had faith in your self. That’s how you over come all the bad and bring out the good in your self. take time to get to know your self first.

    • Kangel thanks for commenting, praise God that you got out of that situation, spread the word on what steps you took that assisted with the transition and the resources that you used to help.

      ~God Bless

  12. as women we tend to go after the man who has prestige and a sense of power or confident in their self but the last realtionship i was in it took my faith in god to humble myself and walked away and did what is best for me and my children

    • There are a lot of women these days that are out prowling for men and wonder why they in up in a rotten relationship.
      Well this is why, A women should never go after a man. A man is supposed to find his women/ wife.

    • Dameka thanks for commenting, I agree that Some of us Ladies have been groomed to never settle for less that of a man of which you described. But I found through trial and error, that `some of our broken men hide behind that image!! So I’ve learned to do some major screening before I’m all in.
      ~God Bless

  13. Rotten relationships I’ve had my share of! What I have learned over the years, people will treat you however you let them. If they do something once and you don’t say anything, they will surely do it again and again. I’ve learned not to let that happen. If you think for a slight second that whatever makes you uncomfortable, you need to speak up. Don’t hold it in because you may realize that you could just be the toxic one in the relationship. Many of us have held stuff in and made ourselves bitter. Communication is the key in all relationships, whether it’s with your family or friends. If you feel lost, always pray about it. GOD will never lead you in the wrong direction.

    • Thank for your comment Anonymous Ms. Williams, WoW, I never thought of that way!!!! Makes alot of sense, it kind of like that Bag Lady song by Erikah Badu, all the damage that has been done, it seems to form an angry person that tend to lash out and take on the role of the abuser.

      ~God Bless

  14. I say actions speak to me more then words and if that man really wanted to be there with you. And this is why I have so many trust issues.

  15. Reading This Blog Makes Me Think Of My Older Sister …..Think Gone To Put Them Up On Game Because They Really Need To Read This.

    • i can relate to this as well i was once in a abusive relationship but when push came to shove i found my way out

  16. Mrs Debbie,

    What do you think of this? My husband is a hard good working man. He loves the kids and do all he could whenever he can. What I have a problem with is the way he talk to me. It hurts me deeply when he does it. At times, I don’t know if I want to cry or; to go back and forth with him to defend myself but the fact is that, “I don’t want a scene blow big” is what I ask to myself! It’s never around the kids or for anyone else to see. Before as of always, it was beautiful. We had no kids and everything was everything. Now, I just want to run at time but i know that its not worst then most. We never had a physical fight and it’s been almost 7 years of us being married. I trust him but the way he talk to me make me wonder at times. I thought I knew it was something wrong but its hard for me to figure it out. I don’t like to be a snooper but I checked everything he have to find out why this is and i found nothing. We both work and we also visit each other as well on drop-ins. He’s out very little and most of his time is work, kids, then me.

    • It sounds as if he is a good loyal husband aside from the verbal abuse.
      I think you should talk to him about it as well as pray about it. letting him know how you feel should work.
      Maybe he has an anger management problem or just some issues that he had to deal with in the past that may be affecting his relationship with you.
      He may need to talk to a therapist or someone that can help him with this issue. hopefully this helps you with your situation.

  17. Hi Ann,
    First, stop blaming yourself.!!!!!! The issue I just read has absolutely nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing! He is mad obviously about other things, it is not all you as he would want you to think. This is a demon spirit that has taken him over. Demons get into ministers too. Lol But your question, what can stop the pain that you are mentally going through? STOP, This very minute and pray for his deliverance and recognize, he is not himself. That bad text and those unkind words were not from him. If you had a wonderful Valentines day, it’s fixable. Now, stop what you are doing and say a little prayer for him and remember, “It’s not about how he treats you, it’s about how you treat him” This is not your problem, it’s his. Just keep being you with possibly a little more communications. If at all possible, try not to go into attitude mode. Games are over! You can only do your best and the rest is on him. You are God’s property and no man has the right to mishandle it. Leaving is never the first options although sometimes it becomes the inevitable, let’s hope that is not in your case! However, if it does, make sure it is never your fault. BE NICE and do what ever it takes to be a good wife without becoming a worm. Men are not exactly fond of worms. LOL! You sound like a person that has done very well with his children. Exceptional, in fact! He should be grateful. Don’t be discouraged, worry about your healing right now. His behavior has thrown you off balance but I feel you have strength to rebound to the person you were with a few good adjustments. Never lose who you are that is important! Raise your head high today, say a little prayer right now for yourself and quote, “No weapon formed against me shall prosper”. and you will come through SHINING LIKE A DIAMOND! Trust me, get over how he is treating you, that’s his issue. It’s a mind thing and he (that demon in him) knows what buttons to push in you! Now take a DEEP BREATH, PRAY and keep it moving today! Thank you for visiting the site! dR

  18. I am constantly being accused of not being a good person or i don’t know how to communicate. it is the same old thing every time . i have tried to do and fix what he continually
    say is wrong but the argument come back to the same thing. i have held my peace and i have prayed and been prayed for. when I think its better something else comes along and upsets the apple cart. i have no more to give he has told me that he does not feel the same way about me and has told me that i have made him put his kids through stuff and he can live alone and doesn’t need me. this last rant has caught me by surprise because just on Valentine weekend we were fine and monday he changed direction. as I received the last hateful text at work I realized that he has directed all his anger to me about his kids when he should be telling their mother who does absolutely nothing for them. but according to him i have made him mistreat his kids which i never have. it was me who set the rooms up when they came to live with us, me who found out that they could not read when they came to live with us , me who had tried to teach them how to be clean, me who tells him that the needs to make sure the children look as good as he does when he’s in church on sunday mornings, me who told him that we need to work on trying to teach the boys to do their chores so that they can earn pocket money. but yet they suffer cause of me. I am the one that asks when is the last time the boys spoke to their mom, he doesn’t know, i tell him that he should come straight home from work, to ensure the boys are ok, but yet i am the bad one. how can a man who claims that he is ministering for God be so blind to his own faults? i am praying for an answer and for peace of mind. I’m hurting for my marriage but i can’t live this roller coster of fault and blame anymore. please help me….

    • sit down and thunk about what it is you want in life for yourself and your children. you have to billed a relation ship with your self children and first. Keep faith


    I was just reading the last post from a lady who is presently recovering from a ROTTEN RELATIONSHIP. Thank you for sharing your story. I know we sometimes try to salvage our relationships but when it gets physical, it gets dangerous. Let me tell you how quick you can be dead, believing someone would never take it that far. People never intend to kill anyone but it happens. Just make sure it doesn’t happen to you! If you are experiencing violence in your relationship, married or not get away from that person before it is too late. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU! Remember, Jesus loves you unconditionally and will never hurt you so why let anyone else!

  20. Hello All!! I Just got out of a real bad marriage, and for a moment I thought that it was all my fault, I knew this man for about a year or so, He started talking about the Lord and everything that I beleived in(God and the Church), to my dismay, It was the Devil coming at me….. Still didn’t regonize what was happening!!! I married him, with all belifes, that he was the one, Little bye little, he started taking over my life, remind you I was 40 years old, a single mother of 1, and he took me to another land, and not the promise land, i can reasure you! this was my 1st marriage, and boy what a whirlwind I went through. Needless to say that this same man that claim to love me and wanted to be there as my life parter, almost killed me, One more hit , would have killed me,and at the end of the day, I knew what i had to do. I now know, that sometimes, we must go through something, to get to something better. My Mom always told me that, I must crawl before i walk, and it seemd so crazy for me to understand. Then, I started going throung financial problems, ? am i still pondering on the past? Yes indeed i was, please Ladies, know when you hear the voice of God talking to you, Move and do as he says. I know now that thier is a brighter light at the edge of that tunnel. I’VE lost alot of sleep from worry and, how i will make it to the next level of may life,I wasn’t listening to his csall!I am a child of God and no other can ever take that from me.

  21. I didn’t think I was in a rotten relationship. I now realize that I am the reason that it is a rotten relationship. I am not always nice to my partner. I sometimes make my partner life very difficult just by starting arguments for no reason. I turn everything he say into something negative so i can be alone.


    • If you like to be alone just sit and talk abut it with your partner don’t put your self down and every one els with you. Find thing that make you happy and what things make unhappy in a relation ship and work on that. It’s good to know that you know your wrong doing’s work on it and it will get better.

  22. There is so much truth in what you say. Your advice is full of
    God-inspired integrity, the Word, and practical advice. That’s a great combination. More women need to discover this site because your articles help a woman in any situation to feel less hopeless and like there are things we can do–realistically–to move forward, beginning with the Word, and working on the “in the meantime” stuff. Thank you!!!

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